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By sex therapist & relationships counselor Susan Gower After studying human sexuality for many years it has become inarguable to me that a cuckold relationship (in which the wife engages in sexual activity with a variety of men while her husband remains faithful) is most compatible with basic human evolutionary make up. It is straying from this evolutionarily grounded human bonding relationship that has produced such misunderstandings and conflict between the sexes. At the very base of this principle is the understanding of a woman’s psychological need for a variety of sex partner’s. Psychologically, women are hardwired differently than men. A woman has a dual sex drive. The first is centered on finding a mate for life to help support her and her offspring. This is why (and when) love is such an important part of a women’s sexual desire. The second is a desire to obtain a variety of the best genetic material to produce the best children. This second desire begins to grow once a woman has found her life mate and grows stronger as time with him progresses. Eventually, this later and more powerful drive overpowers her sexual desire for her life mate. This is why a woman’s sexual desire for her husband diminishes over time. At the same time her sexual desire for other men is increasing. Often this desire for other men becomes so strong she cannot deny it. This does not make her immoral or mean that she no longer loves her husband. It is simply part of her genetic code. Physiological sexual differences between men and women also support the cuckold relationship as the ideal for marriage. It is well known that women don’t reach her sexual peak until they are in their thirties, while men peak by the time they are twenty. In a typical marriage, a wife is generally younger than her husband or the same age. As a result, a woman’s increasing sexual appetite, do to her biologically age based sex drive, gives her greater sexual needs than her husband. She needs more sexual encounters, longer sexual encounters and more orgasms than her spouse. Her older or same age husband, on the other hand, wants sex far less than his wife, oftentimes lasts only a few minutes before he reaches orgasm and then, no longer interested in sex, leaves his wife unsatisfied and frustrated. As a marriage continues this discrepancy in sexual needs increases dramatically, usually to the breaking point of a wife secretly finding a lover or lovers outside the marriage. Compounding this is that nature has not only given women a two prong and exponentially stronger sex drive than men, it has also given women the ability to experience a far greater quantity, intensity, and variety of sexual pleasure and orgasm than men. This is nature’s way of motivating a woman to seek out sexual activity considering the risk she bears in doing so. (Even though today’s contraceptives greatly reduce these risks, they do nothing to diminish the internal triggers that drive a woman’s need for a variety of sex and sex partners. If anything, this reduction of risk intensifies her drive to seek pleasure.) As a result, women can experience a wide range and intensity of sexual pleasure and diversity of orgasm. Besides the pleasure and orgasms derived from manual, oral and coital stimulation of a woman’s clitoris, all three of which feel distinctly different, a woman can reach a completely different sensation of pleasure and a completely different orgasm from the stimulation of her g-spot by a well endowed man. A woman can even reach orgasm by proper stimulation of her nipples if she has been brought to a state of intense clitoral arousal. Stimulation of her nipples and clitoris at the same time will give her a yet another unique intense orgasm. Her ultimate height of pleasure is found in oral or manual titillation of her clitoris while simultaneously having her g-spot stimulated. It is interesting that this is best accomplished by the use of multiple sexual partners, suggesting nature’s preference for male, female, male couplings. Finally, the crowning pinnacle of a woman’s sexual superiority is her ability to have a multiple orgasm and full body orgasmic experiences. Men, on the other hand, are far simpler sexually. Stimulate their glans (the little patch of skin at the front of the penis just below it’s head) and they ejaculate. Furthermore, men can get nearly the same level of satisfaction from masturbating as the do completing a sex act with a woman. For women, masturbation will give them only temporary relief. Women need to have sex with a partner to be fully satisfied, especially psychologically. The male also has a much simpler sex drive than a woman. He simply wants to mate with any female he finds desirable. The longer he is denied sex, the stronger his desire grows and the criterion by which he finds a woman desirable lowers. Since it is the woman who decides if he will be allowed to have sex with her or not, his desire for her sexually is also linked to the desire for her approval. As he becomes more interested in her the desire to please her as a way to get sex can become overwhelming for him. That is why you will often see men acting foolishly in front of females they desire, even though they have no chance to have sex with them. That is also why, once married, a man will begin to take his wife for granted; now that he has easy availability of sex from her, she becomes less desirable to him. One might think that this is a good argument for having an open marriage in which both a wife and her husband find sexual partners outside their marriage. Interviews with couples in open marriages have shown that these marriages almost always lead to a competition between the two spouses regarding who is having more sex with more partners. A wife will always win this competition because it is much easier for a woman to find sexual partners than it is for a man. The competition, however, can become nasty, ugly and often cruel. A wife will sometimes be drawn into the competition so deeply she will have sex with far more men than she wishes too, and her husband will have growing feelings of inadequacy, as he cannot keep up with his wife. This kind of competition almost always destroys a marriage. Furthermore, the idea of open marriage assumes the erroneous notion that men need a variety of sex partners. While all evidence indicates that a married woman both physiologically and psychologically does need a variety of sexual partners, a married man does not. The genetic code that drives a man is the thrill of pursuit, not the need for variety. Husbands in clinical studies who’s desire for their wives have waned and who’s interest have turned to other women have been completely turned around when their wives begin using arousal and denial techniques on them. These techniques instill uncertainty in the husband as to whether he will be allowed to complete a sex act with her or not. Time after time, in study after study, these husband’s desires have been focused back to their wives exclusively, losing all interest in other women. The wives in these studies were even able to vary their husband’s level of interest through increasing or decreasing their application of arousal and denial techniques. It was further found that when these same wives reverted back to traditional sexual practices with their husbands, their husbands began to loose interest again and began to again look at other women as possible sex partners. Interestingly, it was during the sexually repressive Victorian Era that an unusual mix of cuckoldry and the sexual arousal and denial of males was employed. It was believed at that time that many ills were caused by excessive male ejaculations. They believed that loss of sperm contributed to a whole host of maladies, from asthma to mental illness. As a result, chastity devices were often prescribed for men. This practice was so prevalent that over two hundred patents for male chastity devices were applied for during this era. Conversely, at this same time, it was believed that women suffered hysteria from lack of sexual release. Orgasmic therapy was prescribed for the treatment and prevention of female hysteria. Women would visit their doctor, or the doctor would come to a woman’s home to manually, or in secret, by more intimate means, deliver her orgasms. Most often it was married women who requested this therapy, often as much as three times a week. Some doctor’s journals noted that the demand became so great that they had to delegate these visits to their interns.